When your husband cheats on you it's almost never for sex

What is a man looking for when he cheats on his wife with another woman? The lover is more beautiful? Younger? He laughs at his jokes while his wife, after a long cohabitation maybe sketches, or snorts blatantly? After discovering her husband's affair, Heather Leiva, blogger at Huffington Post America, who describes herself as "wife, mom, stepmother, writer, housekeeper, and occasionally a lover of good" wondered. wine". And she came to the conclusion that, probably, this is the most obvious thing: sex. (You are in the mood for an escapade? Take the test)

And so, she says in a long article on the blog of the online newspaper, "I started making a mental calendar, counting on my fingers how many times I had offered my husband pleasure. How many times have I said I was too tired? What changed when our son was born? The numbers were depressing, and even when there was sex between us it was nothing spectacular ". (You are a good wife? Fail test)

Once the problem was identified, Heather also looked for the solution: "How could I have let someone else enter our relationship and usurp my place? Technically, I had no evidence that their relationship was physical; indeed, logistically it seemed impossible. What was certain was that she was offering him something he wanted and I wasn't giving him. And the solution was right in front of me: to become what my husband needed. Well, now I had a plan for success, I was going to put our relationship back together. I should have been the perfect object of his sexual appetite, I should have done it as if it were my job. I should have become his porn star ".

Thus, the blogger transformed from a furious betrayed wife. Trying to become her husband's perfect lover in three moves. (Also read 15 daily romantic gestures to not forget that you are a couple)

Phase 1: THE BODY

“First of all - she says - I had to stop eating: after pregnancy you are hardly in perfect shape. While porn stars have a slim body and huge fake breasts. I couldn't afford plastic surgery, but I certainly could lose weight ". And then a beautiful one full Brazilian waxing, front and back. “What would it be like if I also want to do it behind? There is also a back? There is, and there are no words to describe the pain of that waxing: no woman has undergone a more painful hair removal process than that ". But while porn stars can do it regularly, a wife trying to win her man back can't? Even at the cost of doing it on a lunch break and then, returning to the office, throwing up in the trash can on the desk for how much it hurts. (See also In shape after childbirth, vip moms do this)

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"THE my maternity pajamas - continues Heather - they were very comfortable for everything, except for what I had in mind to do. Breastfeeding bras needed to be burned: I needed the uniform and the tools of the trade ". So the blogger loaded her 9-month-old baby into the car and went to the sex shop she passed by every night to get home from work. And here the first doubts began: you can take a child to an adult shop? They could have called social services? “I'm sorry to do this to you - she says she told her little one - but you will never know about this dark period. It will also be unforgivable behavior for a parent, but a marriage is at stake here, and after all it is supposed that you have to put your marriage before your children, right?". But, in the end, the writer says she didn't make it to enter the sex shop to buy sex toys, edible items, whips and handcuffs. And so "I went to the clothing department in downtown, and into the sector 'Bridal lingerie'I found some quite imaginative things. Adult toys should have waited ". (Read also Mom, cultivate life as a couple!)

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"Whenever I saw him, I jumped on him - says the blogger about the third phase - At first he was confused, but he acted like a child reluctant to refuse a free ice cream. And after the first few days, apart from the occasional 'what's gotten into you?', He didn't tell me much about the change. The nights he slept at home I did everything in my power, everything the internet had shown me about porn, to rock his world. And when I woke up one night and saw him chatting on his mobile, I reactivated the porn mode again. I surprised him at lunchtime by activating the porn mode in the car wash. When he asked me why the dishes hadn't been washed for a week, porn mode in front of the dishwasher. We did it more times in a month than in the rest of our three years of marriage". In absurd positions that normal people would never dream of experiencing, and with clichés said at the height of passion that "were so banal, so alien to my way of being (and therefore in total bad faith) that I had to fight with myself so as not to roll my eyes ". (See also The rules of the couple (with children) that last)

An experience that, continues Heather, was "exhausting and completely unpleasant for me, but I was winning ". Because finally the husband started staying at home every evening, he went to lunch with his wife instead of with his lover. “And I battled the pain and the feeling of being used physically. Yet I was completely disgusted with myself, with him, even with the four walls of the house that watched impassively "the staging. (See also The art of seduction)

Ending the blogger's career as a porn star was "my addiction to." check his phone. I checked their messages, sure to find confirmation of my success. I thought I'd find something like 'I made a mistake, our story must end. I love my wife and I want to keep our family together ', or ' you can never give me what my wife gives me '. Instead, there were hundreds of flirting messages. He told her the same stories he had told me when he wooed me, to appear sensitive and totally interested in her ". So Heather packed up all the new lingerie and brought it back to the shop: "All I had achieved by turning myself into a porn star was to offer my husband a wonderful farewell gift that he didn't deserve. I hadn't won, because there was neither a competition nor a prize, but my pain had blinded me. I had traded my dignity in exchange for the possibility of holding on to a bad marriage, learning the hard way possible that when your husband cheats on you it's almost never for sex". (Learn body language)

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